Big Fan

(ANDY is sitting at a

table in a coffee house.

After a beat, his friend

TYLER walks in slowly

and sits down.)

TYLER:

Hey.

ANDY:

Hey. So what's up?

TYLER:

Hmm?

ANDY:

Why'd you ask me to come out here today?

TYLER:

Oh, right. Well... I met Tim Kasher last night...

ANDY:

HOLY SHIT! Are you serious? What happened?

TYLER:

I interviewed him.

ANDY:

How'd it go?

TYLER:

Well...

ANDY:

What?

TYLER:

It's just...

ANDY:

Oh, man. You fucked him. You always joked about it, but you actually fucked him didn't you?

TYLER:

No! I mean, that would have been better, really.

ANDY:

Wait, what did you?

TYLER:

Well, I got real nervous, so... I cried.

ANDY:

Oh man.

TYLER:

And vomited.

ANDY:

What?

TYLER:

And I also shit my pants.

ANDY:

JESUS CHRIST, TYLER! What did he do? What the fuck?

TYLER:

The same thing. Literally right after me.

ANDY:

Holy shit.

TYLER:

Yup. It was the greatest night of my life.

(Lights fade.)